I’ve been 152 lbs and I’ve been 93lbs and all kinds of weights in between. I’ve had a body strong enough to run a half marathon and bust out a 6:47 mile on 93 degree day. I’ve had a body so weak and in pain my husband had to help me get dressed and then… Continue reading This body is a lesson
Sunday afternoon during my ketamine infusion, the wonderful man Robert who brings 3 east their meals stopped by my room to see what I might be able to eat for dinner. He is quite possibly one of my favorite employees at UVA Hospital and every time I am admitted I am so excited to see him because… Continue reading i haunt myself. i heal myself.
A few weeks ago a brave friend admitted on instagram that she still struggles with wanting to be thinner even though she is “body positive“. She admitted several truths in her post that rang true to me, this one in particular spoke to me the most: “I think about my size more than I care to… Continue reading there’s no wrong way to have a body: body positivity, disability, & why it’s ok if you still feel fat some days.
This is a series of creative writing on how I developed anorexia at age 12. You can read part one here and part two here. June finally ended and by mid July it was more than obvious I was deeply depressed and had immersed myself completely in losing weight at any cost. I cut myself on my 13th birthday over something… Continue reading the summer i learned how to disappear: part three
This is part two in a series about how I developed anorexia at age 12. You can read part one here. I remember the first time I thought I was fat. It was around my brother’s birthday and we were spending the night at my father’s a.k.a. our old house. I remember how achingly empty the house… Continue reading the summer i learned how to disappear: part two
In June of 1996 at the age of 12, I began a dance with anorexia. This dance is one that would continue for the next 20 years. Sometimes we danced feverishly like whirling dervishes. Sometimes we danced apart but synchronized. Sometimes we clasped hands until my knuckles turned white. Sometimes we swayed slowly and I… Continue reading the summer i learned how to disappear: part one
It is hard for me to admit this. It feels so ugly to say. The words clog the back of my throat as if I have swallowed a moth. Flapping its wings against my uvula and beating a rhythm against my teeth. The sentences feel heavy on my tongue. I want to say it but it’s so hard to open my mouth… Continue reading in this body
I remember: I remember the first time I ate too much and threw up. I did it when ever I thought I had been mean to someone. I remember the first time I held a razor in my hands and slowly dragged it across my skin. I dissacociated and woke up with 50 cuts on… Continue reading I remember.